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Monday, November 15, 2010

Origami

I would origami the moon if I only could 
In a crane shape so it could fly to you 
It would bring light to your eyes make you smile and laugh
You know, like you used to 
I would make a river of your tears so we could float off together 
Just get away from this place 
And I would hold your hand like I used to 
And we could float off into space

Resentment

I wish I could drain your blood from my veins
Deny that I'm associated with your name
Forget you and all you did back then
You're the fuckin reason they think they need men
Think they need booze think they need weed
To cover up the scars and forget they're your seed
I can't help but cringe just at the thought
That you're part of me like a disease that I caught
That I can't get rid of no matter how hard I try
Despite the pills that I pop and the tears that I cry
I want to get over this, move on, and forgive
I want to get away from this anger and finally live
But as long as I still see your face every day
I'm still all too happy that you passed away
It comforts me that you can no longer hurt people I know
Except for all of the wounds that they try not to show   

Monday, November 8, 2010

I thought I found love once
In the back of a mouth
Tastes, textures unknown to my tongue
But swallowed & digested; it disappeared
And I’ve searched and burned the earth
Looking, searching, yearning
To find that feeling
To hold it again
To never let it escape

I thought I found love once
In a pile of crumpled clothes
Sweat rimmed necklines
And a beer stain on the back of one arm
Heavy breathing elbows and hair
Flying about every which way
Madness, beauty, chaos, pain
Empty left side in the morning
Ever since I’ve been trying to reel that joy back in

I thought I found love once
In the reflection in the mirror
Curves abound and eyes that shimmered
In the light; curls framing a beautiful face
A smile that showed no pain
Then the scars came into view
Tears welled up and I floated back down
To a bloated reality
Searching, still, to find that relief

I searched for love with no avail
Until I searched no more
I found love buried within the ground
Cold and dead and turned to earth
I wept and smiled and laughed and realized
I realized
Love
Doesn’t want to be found

Time

If I could forget the time life would be easy
Just shatter the seconds into shards
The hours just melt like a frozen winter
And minutes my mind just disregards
Maybe I could breathe a little bit calmer
Maybe my heart could beat a steady tune
I try to forget all about the clocks that surround me
But I can’t help hoping you’d come back soon

Because every second it hurts to breathe
Every minute I try not to cry
Every hour I just feel completely empty
Every day I feel a piece of me die

They say time will eventually ease the pain
It only seems harder with each tick
It’s been 4 days 3 hours and 11 minutes since you left
My how time doesn’t go by so quick
I try to smile just to try to fool myself
And to think you’ll be walking through that door
But they’re just dreams because I know that you’re gone
Since you left, there’s no need for time any more

Because every second it hurts to breathe
Every minute I try not to cry
Every hour I just feel completely empty
Every day I feel a piece of me die

I need to pick up these pieces
I need to stop wasting my days
It’s for me to be strong now
And stop myself from these miserable ways

Now every second it gets easier to breathe
Every minute I don’t even want to cry
Every hour I feel a little less empty
Every day I thank G-d that I’m alive

Lion

I’ve torn up the pages I wrote just to write the same damn thing
You’re on my brain, can’t you tell? You just make me wanna sing
Make me wanna spit it, make me wanna rhyme
You make me wanna do nothing but talk about you all the time
You’re on my mind and I find that I don’t want nothing else but to be there
You’re on my mind and I find that life really isn’t fair
Because you’re there and I’m here, I cry and the crowd cheers
They drown in booze, I drown in tears
I hold onto pain, they hold their beers, and the years, but not their fears
Like my fears that are so fierce that break my heart
Rip it apart, but I’m strong I know I am
Like a lion not like a lamb
And I roar and let it go, let it out, out so slow
And I know that I can make it, I know I’ll persevere
Because I know I will never surrender to the fear
That we will never be and if it’s true I know I’ll be okay
Because I know you’ll realize what you missed out on one day
So take it now or hold your piece, take me now or release
Because I will not be tied up and be teased
If you found somebody else just be honest let me know
If you’re honest it will hurt, but it will be easier to let you go

Seconds

Seconds slipped away
Like the light in her eyes
Staggered breaths, a weary glance
As another minute dies
Maybe three months
Three weeks, three days
It’s hard to see the light
Through all of the haze
Pain the color of night
The blackness that blinds
But it never was as dark
As the thoughts in our minds
Our selfishness grew
Oh our hearts were so weak
As we watched her lie still
She couldn’t even speak
We begged for her to stay
But it was her time to go
I like to think she knew
Something we couldn’t know
As peace washed over her
We all knew it was time
For us to remember her in our hearts
But to also say goodbye

I handed you my heart and you took it
You put in your right breast pocket
You told me it would be safe there
But it broke while it was in your care
You told me that you’d love me forever
Here I thought forever ended when I die
But here I am all alone at home
Cuz yesterday you said goodbye

And I’m only mad at myself for trusting you
I’m only upset because I always knew
That you’d break me apart eventually
And I got no else to blame but me

I remember your smile that one night
When we made love after our first fight
You told me if this if it’s how it’s going to be
That you would stay permanently
Maybe we have different dictionaries
Cuz your definition is different than mine
Here you were packing up all of your things
And there I was thinking everything was fine

And I’m only mad at myself for trusting you
I’m only upset because I always knew
That you’d break me apart eventually
And I got no else to blame but me

I just called to say
Hello, how ya doing?
I found a box of your stuff
It was stuffed in the back of our room
I mean my room, yeah my room
Well… I love you, I mean I hate you

And I’m only mad at myself for trusting you
I’m only upset because I always knew
That you’d break me apart eventually
And I got no else to blame but me
Yeah you broke me apart rather quickly
And I got no else to blame but me

I walk these streets with a heavy heart
The world falls apart
Shatters, shards broken dreams, broken parts
Crumbling down to the depths of existence
Chills my spine as my mind reminisces
Dark paths I’ve worn and trailed away
But night eventually turns back to day
As dawn breaks and the sun rises high
Spread the wings of hope and take to the sky
The clouds like years foggy and fly by
Soar right on through won’t let the spirit die
Rely on no one but eternal love
Pours down in the rays of the sun’s shine above
Born into light, same way that I’ll pass
Pass from this place, pass the space
In between, straight up with the calming breeze
Across the land and over the seas
Mind at ease eternally
Breathing in the scent of peace
As we taste the rain, the earth, the sky
We search for the truth and smash through the lies

Calling

Walking crowded streets just not to feel alone
In this city no place ever feels like home
I call you over and over hoping to hear you speak
I need your strength because I’m so damn weak

I walk around with this smile
I put on a happy face
I still go out once in a while
Just to get away from this place
I can’t go into our room
It’s too hard to walk through that door
I’ll just still look for you
And realize you’re not here any more

Chorus
And it breaks my heart all over again
And I’ll have to face it right there and then
I thought you’d be with me forever, I should’ve known
Now I am here all alone

I go to sing to you
Just like I used to do
But you can’t hear me any more
Not like you used to
I still talk to you
Like you’re still here
Until I remember
Confirming my biggest fear

Chorus-Repeat

And I hope you know
I never wanted you to go
And I hope you know
That I love you

Chorus-Repeat2x

But I know I’m never alone

Pride

You tell me it takes time well it always takes too much time
To make me feel slightly alright
To watch blood coarse through veins takes always the same amount of seconds
As it did last night
I don’t know what’s going on in my brain because the beat of my heart is so damn loud
I’m dying to just make you proud

A Wish

I’ve felt this way before, way before you
But that was when I was young and the feeling wasn’t true
Now you can see why I’m hesitant to love you
I wish that I didn’t have this fear
I wish I didn’t wish that he was here

The Ship

I try so hard to let it slip away
Through my fingers and to live another day
But my grip is just too damn tight
I’m afraid of bringing down this ship
And if I have to go down with it

‘Cause all I can see is the sea tonight
And the sky is black and my soul is weak
Trembling nerves until I can’t speak
Say goodbye to the pearls on our skin
And wonder where the horizon begins

Because we can’t breathe at the same time
The air you breathe will never be mine
So don’t let me fall from the sky
Don’t catch the stars just let them die

The sun is shining the air is sweet
I can feel the heat
The moon is full and the stars are bright
I can hear the cries of the night
I tell the trees to stand tall
I tell the stars to shoot don’t ever fall
Do you think they hear me?

I broke skin and watched the wound bleed
I broke ground and dug up your seed
I dove in to feel what it’s like to drown
I picked fruit to watch it brown
I tell the water to keep going
I tell the plants to keep growing
Do you think they hear me?

They told me to claim what I can
‘Cause everything else belongs to the man
I told them that I don’t want that sky
I just wanna hear the weeping willows cry
I tell the birds to keep singing
And I tell freedom’s bell to keep ringing
Do you think they hear me?

I tell the children to always play
And I beg time not to slip away
Do you think they hear me?
Do you think they hear me?