Intertwined Mishaps

I would origami the moon if I only could 
In a crane shape so it could fly to you 
It would bring light to your eyes make you smile and laugh
You know, like you used to 
I would make a river of your tears so we could float off together 
Just get away from this place 
And I would hold your hand like I used to 
And we could float off into space

I wish I could drain your blood from my veins
Deny that I'm associated with your name
Forget you and all you did back then
You're the fuckin reason they think they need men
Think they need booze think they need weed
To cover up the scars and forget they're your seed
I can't help but cringe just at the thought
That you're part of me like a disease that I caught
That I can't get rid of no matter how hard I try
Despite the pills that I pop and the tears that I cry
I want to get over this, move on, and forgive
I want to get away from this anger and finally live
But as long as I still see your face every day
I'm still all too happy that you passed away
It comforts me that you can no longer hurt people I know
Except for all of the wounds that they try not to show   

I thought I found love once
In the back of a mouth
Tastes, textures unknown to my tongue
But swallowed & digested; it disappeared
And I’ve searched and burned the earth
Looking, searching, yearning
To find that feeling
To hold it again
To never let it escape

I thought I found love once
In a pile of crumpled clothes
Sweat rimmed necklines
And a beer stain on the back of one arm
Heavy breathing elbows and hair
Flying about every which way
Madness, beauty, chaos, pain
Empty left side in the morning
Ever since I’ve been trying to reel that joy back in

I thought I found love once
In the reflection in the mirror
Curves abound and eyes that shimmered
In the light; curls framing a beautiful face
A smile that showed no pain
Then the scars came into view
Tears welled up and I floated back down
To a bloated reality
Searching, still, to find that relief

I searched for love with no avail
Until I searched no more
I found love buried within the ground
Cold and dead and turned to earth
I wept and smiled and laughed and realized
I realized
Love
Doesn’t want to be found

If I could forget the time life would be easy
Just shatter the seconds into shards
The hours just melt like a frozen winter
And minutes my mind just disregards
Maybe I could breathe a little bit calmer
Maybe my heart could beat a steady tune
I try to forget all about the clocks that surround me
But I can’t help hoping you’d come back soon

Because every second it hurts to breathe
Every minute I try not to cry
Every hour I just feel completely empty
Every day I feel a piece of me die

They say time will eventually ease the pain
It only seems harder with each tick
It’s been 4 days 3 hours and 11 minutes since you left
My how time doesn’t go by so quick
I try to smile just to try to fool myself
And to think you’ll be walking through that door
But they’re just dreams because I know that you’re gone
Since you left, there’s no need for time any more

Because every second it hurts to breathe
Every minute I try not to cry
Every hour I just feel completely empty
Every day I feel a piece of me die

I need to pick up these pieces
I need to stop wasting my days
It’s for me to be strong now
And stop myself from these miserable ways

Now every second it gets easier to breathe
Every minute I don’t even want to cry
Every hour I feel a little less empty
Every day I thank G-d that I’m alive

I’ve torn up the pages I wrote just to write the same damn thing
You’re on my brain, can’t you tell? You just make me wanna sing
Make me wanna spit it, make me wanna rhyme
You make me wanna do nothing but talk about you all the time
You’re on my mind and I find that I don’t want nothing else but to be there
You’re on my mind and I find that life really isn’t fair
Because you’re there and I’m here, I cry and the crowd cheers
They drown in booze, I drown in tears
I hold onto pain, they hold their beers, and the years, but not their fears
Like my fears that are so fierce that break my heart
Rip it apart, but I’m strong I know I am
Like a lion not like a lamb
And I roar and let it go, let it out, out so slow
And I know that I can make it, I know I’ll persevere
Because I know I will never surrender to the fear
That we will never be and if it’s true I know I’ll be okay
Because I know you’ll realize what you missed out on one day
So take it now or hold your piece, take me now or release
Because I will not be tied up and be teased
If you found somebody else just be honest let me know
If you’re honest it will hurt, but it will be easier to let you go

Seconds slipped away
Like the light in her eyes
Staggered breaths, a weary glance
As another minute dies
Maybe three months
Three weeks, three days
It’s hard to see the light
Through all of the haze
Pain the color of night
The blackness that blinds
But it never was as dark
As the thoughts in our minds
Our selfishness grew
Oh our hearts were so weak
As we watched her lie still
She couldn’t even speak
We begged for her to stay
But it was her time to go
I like to think she knew
Something we couldn’t know
As peace washed over her
We all knew it was time
For us to remember her in our hearts
But to also say goodbye

I handed you my heart and you took it
You put in your right breast pocket
You told me it would be safe there
But it broke while it was in your care
You told me that you’d love me forever
Here I thought forever ended when I die
But here I am all alone at home
Cuz yesterday you said goodbye

And I’m only mad at myself for trusting you
I’m only upset because I always knew
That you’d break me apart eventually
And I got no else to blame but me

I remember your smile that one night
When we made love after our first fight
You told me if this if it’s how it’s going to be
That you would stay permanently
Maybe we have different dictionaries
Cuz your definition is different than mine
Here you were packing up all of your things
And there I was thinking everything was fine

And I’m only mad at myself for trusting you
I’m only upset because I always knew
That you’d break me apart eventually
And I got no else to blame but me

I just called to say
Hello, how ya doing?
I found a box of your stuff
It was stuffed in the back of our room
I mean my room, yeah my room
Well… I love you, I mean I hate you

And I’m only mad at myself for trusting you
I’m only upset because I always knew
That you’d break me apart eventually
And I got no else to blame but me
Yeah you broke me apart rather quickly
And I got no else to blame but me

I walk these streets with a heavy heart
The world falls apart
Shatters, shards broken dreams, broken parts
Crumbling down to the depths of existence
Chills my spine as my mind reminisces
Dark paths I’ve worn and trailed away
But night eventually turns back to day
As dawn breaks and the sun rises high
Spread the wings of hope and take to the sky
The clouds like years foggy and fly by
Soar right on through won’t let the spirit die
Rely on no one but eternal love
Pours down in the rays of the sun’s shine above
Born into light, same way that I’ll pass
Pass from this place, pass the space
In between, straight up with the calming breeze
Across the land and over the seas
Mind at ease eternally
Breathing in the scent of peace
As we taste the rain, the earth, the sky
We search for the truth and smash through the lies

Walking crowded streets just not to feel alone
In this city no place ever feels like home
I call you over and over hoping to hear you speak
I need your strength because I’m so damn weak

I walk around with this smile
I put on a happy face
I still go out once in a while
Just to get away from this place
I can’t go into our room
It’s too hard to walk through that door
I’ll just still look for you
And realize you’re not here any more

Chorus
And it breaks my heart all over again
And I’ll have to face it right there and then
I thought you’d be with me forever, I should’ve known
Now I am here all alone

I go to sing to you
Just like I used to do
But you can’t hear me any more
Not like you used to
I still talk to you
Like you’re still here
Until I remember
Confirming my biggest fear

Chorus-Repeat

And I hope you know
I never wanted you to go
And I hope you know
That I love you

Chorus-Repeat2x

But I know I’m never alone

You tell me it takes time well it always takes too much time
To make me feel slightly alright
To watch blood coarse through veins takes always the same amount of seconds
As it did last night
I don’t know what’s going on in my brain because the beat of my heart is so damn loud
I’m dying to just make you proud

I’ve felt this way before, way before you
But that was when I was young and the feeling wasn’t true
Now you can see why I’m hesitant to love you
I wish that I didn’t have this fear
I wish I didn’t wish that he was here

I try so hard to let it slip away
Through my fingers and to live another day
But my grip is just too damn tight
I’m afraid of bringing down this ship
And if I have to go down with it

‘Cause all I can see is the sea tonight
And the sky is black and my soul is weak
Trembling nerves until I can’t speak
Say goodbye to the pearls on our skin
And wonder where the horizon begins

Because we can’t breathe at the same time
The air you breathe will never be mine
So don’t let me fall from the sky
Don’t catch the stars just let them die

The sun is shining the air is sweet
I can feel the heat
The moon is full and the stars are bright
I can hear the cries of the night
I tell the trees to stand tall
I tell the stars to shoot don’t ever fall
Do you think they hear me?

I broke skin and watched the wound bleed
I broke ground and dug up your seed
I dove in to feel what it’s like to drown
I picked fruit to watch it brown
I tell the water to keep going
I tell the plants to keep growing
Do you think they hear me?

They told me to claim what I can
‘Cause everything else belongs to the man
I told them that I don’t want that sky
I just wanna hear the weeping willows cry
I tell the birds to keep singing
And I tell freedom’s bell to keep ringing
Do you think they hear me?

I tell the children to always play
And I beg time not to slip away
Do you think they hear me?
Do you think they hear me?

I want to say that I forgive you, I do
But the tears in my eyes don’t lie
The pain is still too fresh
Six years, six years and my heart is still sore
To think that I loved you for so many years
Years

I want to say that I forgive you, I do
And every now I then I think about it
Maybe I’m a lesser person because
I
Can’t
Let
Go
Surely we all make mistakes

I want to say that I forgive you, I do
But what you did wasn’t a mistake
It wasn’t a lapse in judgment
It wasn’t a one-time occurrence
You don’t deserve my forgiveness
No

I want to say that I forgive you, I do
She says I should, they say I shouldn’t
And my heart is torn and I seek
I seek
I seek out the guidance from G-d
I seek out HIS strength
HIS love

I want to say that I forgive you, I do
And I’m trying every day
Every day of my life is a struggle
Knowing
Knowing what you did and who you did it to
I’m trying
To forgive you
But not yet
Not yet

Ripped from the womb cold air upon my skin
A child born in love, a child born in sin
Crying to return to the safety of my hole
Crying for redemption for my forsaken soul
The pain of the world was thrust upon me
They held open my eyelids forcing me to see
I didn’t want to believe in a world so filled up with hate
A world living on luck instead of glorious fate
I buried my head deep, deep underground
No sights to see, no smells to smell, my ears never filled with sound
Solitude was my prison and my prison was my home
My home was my safety and my safety an observation dome
To observe the thoughts within my brain
The thoughts, the ticking, the inane
Sounds that go through a mind, a fragile mind
A child’s thoughts that were deaf, that were lame, that were blind
Folded hands on bended knees
A bowed head, stale bread, rosaries
A man blowing smoke into your pores
Holy water flooding, spilling out the doors
There due to tradition, due to cowardice, due to obligation
Listening to the words I didn’t believe, listening but no real concentration
I am a stranger among the blood coursing through my own veins
Locked up by the need to please, bounded spiritually by chains
A crucifix around my neck and bitter wine between my lips
I break away from their grasp, I break away from their grips
I am them and they are me but we have followed different streams
Our tradition, thanks to me, is ruined so it seems
Ripped from the womb cold air upon my skin
A child born in love, a child born in sin

I am mute
I am deaf
I am blind
I am lame
I remember
Not one thing
Not even
My name
I grasp
At straws
Invisible
To me
I grasp
At a life
That can
Never be

My name escapes your mind
Lost, lost in thoughts of years that you can no longer determine
To my father, which is this son? Or is it my beloved?
Gone for twenty years
Gone, gone like the childhood of a single girl
A daughter burdened by a mother gone mad
Burying a baby deep in the Earth
Trying to drown the life, a life fleeting until saved
Insanity, at least for a moment
Troubled, troubled a life that confused seconds with decades
One minute you're middle-aged the next a mere child
No older than the son on your lap
Rage envelopes the love that the heart should feel
And did just momments ago
Lost, lost in thoughts of years deceased
Years passed, years surrendered to a mind that has lost the nimbleness
The hands are still sharp but the mind, the mind...
I see a glint in those eyes and it makes me think
Maybe you're there somewhere... maybe you're sharper, brighter than you seem
Is it all an act? A facade? A hoax?
Then the glint is gone and we leave the nursing home

Memories in the faces, each wrinkle on each cheek
Spirits that were once strong that somehow became weak
Hearts that were once full became empty with each tear
An unbreakable ounce of love gets shattered just by fear
Common blood running through veins pulsing under skin
Hearts and egos settle with a loss, too humble to just win
Their struggle is their battle and their battle is their life
Their motto: there can be no enjoyment without there being strife
Too modest to claim victory, too proud to concede
Too unselfish to realize just what their lives might need
A hungry child’s mouth open wide in wait for some bread
A man who’ll work every day of his life until he’s good and dead
We’ve lost that gene somewhere from generations that have passed
As technology took over the land we knew hard work wouldn’t last
So we type away click-click-click, until our fingers become sore
How soon that we forget the labored lives of family yore

You blink your eyes and the world changes
No one notices the second that has passed
A breath, your last breath is inhaled
And no one notices it was your last

Clean and pure like a baby's first breath
Just as innocent as a well intentioned death
I open my hands and throw light in their eyes
Like the light one sees before that one dies
My feet don't move as fast as my head
I race through the blood and bones of those dead
I spread out my arms like wings and try to fly
I just fall from the ledge presumably to die
I open my eyes just in time to see
That it was a dream and I am still me

Sweat beads on the skin of the fruit
Open my lips but the heat made me mute
I climb down the tree with stars in my hands
They burn holes in my flesh, holes in the lands
I run from this forest and out to the sea
Because I know that they are looking for me
I jump on a wave but the tide brings me in
It seems I shall end before I begin

Looking for life inside of a tree
Chop it down with my axe to see what I can see
Rings, rings, all around, all around
With my bare hands I pull the roots from the ground
Shake off the dirt and throw them up in the sky
Since that's where I was told things go when they die

Warm breath, cigarette coffee stale
I hold my breath trying not to inhale
Walk away please, walk away now
I would reject you but I wouldn't know how

Rip open the clouds and toss them aside
They pour down the ashes of stars that have died
They float on down, down to the land
Float on the breeze and into my hand
I sprinkle them into the Earth
Sit and watch the ashy seeds give birth
These sprouts sprout wings and learn to fly
Away back home, back to the sky

I hurt myself so I will not hurt you
I hide behind this mask because I cannot be true
To be true to myself may mean you deny
Me, my dreams, my love so it's easier to lie

Raindrops pour from the sky
Raindrops, raindrops from each eye
They thunder down on top my head
They whisper freedom for the dead
I hold the heart of a man
I hold it just because I can
I compare him to the stars above
I compare him to eternal love
He didn't like who I was
I asked why he said because
He walked into outer space
I lit the moon and burned down the place