Intertwined Mishaps

Sweet intoxication
Temptation
Liberation
Of flirtation
My aspiration
For communication
Conversation
Contemplation
Fascination
With my expectation
Acceleration
To transformation
Infatuation
With the situation
Contamination
My imagination
Glorification
Gratification

It all started with a dream...
I was running
Sprinting really
Further
Into
the
Darkness
No light in sight
Just the burn
Of my legs
And the pain
Of my
Bare
Feet
Hitting
The rough ground
A voice in the distance CRIES
And I pause
Chest in flames
Lungs Aching
As I take
Short
Staggering
Breaths
I know that voice
It's my own
Deep into the darkness
I awake
Cold
Sweat
Dripping
Not knowing
If I save myself
From the darkness

Let us dance tonight
For it will be the last
We will not remember tomorrow
What has happened this night
And you shall pass by
Without so much as a glance
And I shall do the same
To appease you
And your ego
No words will be spoken
No more feelings shared
Just an empty feeling
In the pit of our stomachs
And in our hearts
For all of eternity

It's where the evil men are from
Those creatures of the night
The ones who steal innocence
And have no remorse
Yet they have the power
To make some of their victims
Still respect them
Stockholm syndrome?
Perhaps
All I know
Is he is from there
And that's why I'm afraid

I want to dislike you
I want you to be an asshole
And I want me to notice it
I want to loathe you
I want you to be
A drug dealer, a felon, a racist skinhead
Anything to make me despise you
But you're not
You're kind
And funny
And respectful to me
And I unfortunately
Love you
But don't think I like it

Why do you have to be charming
Polite
Respectful
British?
Why do you have to be daring
Courageous
Good looking
Mature?
Why do you have to be kind
Smart
Goal-oriented
lovable?
Why do you have to be thirty
Perfect
Well-known
Unobtainable?

Sweet memories fill my mind
Of that night
You
Making a point to talk to me
And to put your arm around me
To tell me you like how I acted
And you wanted to see more
That I was out of control
But in a good way
A way you've never seen before
You brought it up the next day
To prove you remembered, too
But now you forget
And I start from square one

Are you aware that every single time I breathe, I can only muster up the air because of the glimmer of hope that we could be together one day? That you and I just might be soulmates and I have found you by chance along this twisted road that we call life? Are you aware that I only stir myself to wake because I might come across your path today? That by the off chance you might be in the area, for whatever reason, we could bump into eachother? Are you aware that the only reason I give a damn about my appearance, even in the slightest quotient, is because I might catch your attention by my outfit or the paint I shalack on my face? That maybe, just maybe, you might like what you see and do something about it? Are you aware that the words that come off your lips are imprinted in my heart, the good and the bad? That your words mean more to me than what anyone else thinks? Are you aware that every three minutes I think about you and the love that could be possible if you only knew? Are you aware of me?

You're vanity intrigues me
It's not confidence
It almost a sense of false bravado
It comes off as arrognace
Yet you're insecurities shine through
But you ignore them
You tell yourself
And others
That if you brag just enough
No one will see them
Including you
But I see them
I play the same game

I have one on my forearm from the oven
And one on my thumb from the car door
One on each bicep from a bad reaction to medication
Too many to count on my knees
One on my big toe from a piece of glass
Three from surgery
Little ones all over from this or that
And then there is this one
The worst
It's the one you gave to me
The scar of where my heart broke

I bend over
Or crouch down
And my knees crack
Softly at first but louder the further I go
I casually look up
No one noticed
Or if they did, they are being polite
I return to an upright position and they do the same
Later
An elderly woman bends over
Or crouches down
Beside me
Her knees crack
I am old
At age 20

You tell me the tales of your drunken escapades
Those wasted weekend nights
I listen, intrigued and worried at the same time
They tell me I’m too good for you
You’re arrogant
Self-righteous
An alcoholic
An atheist
A bad person
Bottom line: you have flaws
You’re not a bad person
You’re unique with your sense of humor
You genuinely care about others but are afraid to show it
I know that, they don’t
You’re not perfect
Neither am I
But I love your imperfections
Every last one of them

Sun seeps into the room, between the slats on the plastic curtains
I stare, endlessy, at a computer screen clicking away
Erasing what I hate, those neverending cliches that are my life
Typing a more romantic version of what I want my life to be
But it all ends up the same
Complete and utter dribble in the highest sense
I take a time check: 1:35 PM
It's been four hours and I've managed to create a mockery to all of poetry
Heartache, it's so done along with yearning and obsession
I strive to be unique in an endless sea of blah
But I blend in with the other waves to be washed upon the shore
To die.. A cliche

Falling stars
Hurling towards the earth
People diving
Save those who look alike
Pray to your cross
Pray to your star
Pray to whatever you need to
No one is safe
Hiroshima
Korea
Vietnam
Shall we once again?

deep breaths
it aches but i do as i'm told
one more time
she says
i hear rattling
she says
one more time
my eyes water in pain
but i do as i'm told
one more time
she asks again
just one more time

I talk to her for hours
Giving her a rose
I kiss my hand and put it on her stone
"Here lies Mary Fowler"
Here lies my guardian angel
My Grandmother